


tumblr prompts

by Molnija



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ?? I suppose, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, to be continued ...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-08-14 13:56:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8016676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Molnija/pseuds/Molnija
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a collection of drabbles from, you guessed it, tumblr prompts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oikage - First Snow

**Author's Note:**

> the first two are from the ways to say I love you, for whatever may come next it'll be in the notes of the specific chapters! °^°)/

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ways to say I love you -- too quickly, mumbled into your scarf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing Oikage always feels like I'm continuously threading the thin line between "this sounds nice" and "what the hell am I doing". I don't know why. it just does.

When he was a child, the first snow always held a certain magic. The excitement of seeing a world coated in white soon, cold and quiet and sparkling in the light, was enough to cause endless wonder. How often has class been interrupted because a student shouted out, “Look, it’s snowing”? He never counted. He only knew that his heart rate would pick up, racing against the clock to finally get out of the classroom and stand on the schoolyard with his eyes fixed on the sky, a smile painted on his lips.

Now that he’s older, he still enjoys winter, but it has lost some of its appeal. When the snowflakes start falling he looks out of the window and thinks, “Oh, nice,” although it’s going to be a pain to walk through if it piles up. Aoba Johsai High School is just far enough from his home to make a trip through the snow annoying.

Winter has been harsh so far this year. He still thinks that it’s easier to bear when it’s snowing, but pure biting cold is just a rudeness of nature, and the first flakes have yet to fall.

Tooru can endure it though, knowing that on the end of his walk to the city, Kageyama Tobio will sit inside the café they set as a meeting point, waiting for him. (Provided he’s found it. One month of dating him in – _and god, that still sounds so strange_ – has been enough to make Tooru realise his precious kouhai – _boyfriend_ – is terrible with directions. If he’s being really specific, without this lack of talent they probably wouldn’t even be together. Things had led to one another when the younger boy got lost and ran into Tooru. So he can’t really be _mad_ at it.)

If he’s not much slower than usual, he should be there in five minutes, though they feel more like half an hour in what the weather forecast called -3° Celsius. He’s wearing the warmest jacket he found in his closet – a nice beige one, but sadly it doesn’t do much to keep the cold away; that’s what he gets for buying clothes based on aesthetics, not use, he supposes – plus the ridiculously expensive but ridiculously comfortable purple-and-teal scarf he bought in Edinburgh two years ago and he’s still freezing his butt off. He’s pretty sure if he wasn’t moving he’d freeze on spot, and while he’d make an exceptionally pretty ice sculpture, those meet up with their boyfriend who just has to live on the other side of the town, damn it. Everything would be much easier if they were neighbours or teammates.

(“You should have come to Aoba Johsai,” he murmurs to himself in a really bad Ushiwaka impression.)

“Oikawa-san?”

The familiar voice comes from somewhere to his right, and when he turns to it he sees Tobio under a nearby tree, looking up from his phone and hurrying in Tooru’s direction.

He registers several things at once. First, he was right about that terrible sense of direction; second, Tobio’s jacket looks awfully thin; third, well, at least he won’t have to walk the rest of the way on his own. His mind gets stuck on that second one.

“Jesus, Tobio, do you want to freeze to death?”

At least he’s wearing a black beanie that looks really good on him, but still, is that his school uniform’s jacket? He’s visibly shaking, too. What if he gets seriously ill? Tooru can’t let that happen, he’s supposed to protect this boy, and if it’s from his own incompetence.

“I took a nap and overslept and just grabbed the first …” Tobio interrupts himself mid-sentence. “Wait, why am I defending myself?”

“Because,” Tooru says as he unwraps the scarf from his neck, “there are a lot of things you can do when you’re not sick that you can’t do when you are, like playing volleyball or kissing me or a combination of the two, who knows what’s possible, really …”

Tobio thankfully doesn’t protest when the scarf is wrapped around him. It’s a nice colour on him, it brings out the blue of his eyes (although one could argue that that’s not nice at all, this damn black-hair-blue-eyes combination, Tooru wouldn’t be surprised if it killed him one day), and even though it doesn’t replace a warm jacket, it’s at least _something_.

His own neck is cold now, but looking at the younger boy, he finds he doesn’t really mind.

“… love you.” The words are quiet and muffled against the wool of the scarf, barely understandable.

Tooru blinks. “Come again?”

“I-I said thank you,” Tobio sputters out a little too quickly, cheeks redder than the cold could have painted them.

He grins and throws an arm over his boyfriend’s shoulder, tugging him closer. “You’re very welcome, Tobio-chan.”

When he looks away from him, he notices a small snowflake dancing right before his eyes, slowly falling to the ground.

“It’s snowing,” he breathes. He’s not sure if it’s because of the boy next to him or because of the weather, but there’s this feeling spreading out in his chest he thought he’d long let go.

First snow.

Maybe Tobio can make it magical again.


	2. Akaoi - Resentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the ways to say I love you -- from very far away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay I'm lying I don't actually have a title for this yet I need to think of something better so this is like ... a placeholder ...
> 
> I LOVE WRITING AKAOI A LOT HNGGH

Akaashi Keiji, despite popular belief, hates a lot of things.

He despises too warm weather, he loathes the taste of white chocolate, and he can’t _stand_ some of the overplayed songs on the radio.

Most of all, though, he hates Oikawa Tooru.

He hates him because it’s in nights like these when he feels cold and lonely and his bed seems too big yet his room too small that he remembers just how much he _loves_ him.

“So Iwa-chan told him to go get the score board and he went out and came back with a broom? I don’t even know where he found that broom, ours looks different, but he was gone for like five minutes … When I asked him he didn’t answer me – he’s supposed to listen to his captain, why is he not listening to me – and when Iwa-chan asked him he said he forgot what he was supposed to get and just went with the first thing he saw …” Keiji laughs quietly when he hears Tooru pause for breath. “Which still doesn’t explain why he didn’t just go to the storage room then, because …”

He abruptly stops and the line is silent for a moment, until Keiji whispers, “Tooru?” It wouldn’t be the first time their connection has died, but right now would be the least convenient moment so far. He’s not ready to let him go yet. His voice is all he has when they’re both home.

“… I’m not annoying you, right?” It’s quieter than his rambling before, somewhat shy and insecure, a side of him Keiji has started seeing more of lately. He can’t fight the smile that spreads on his lips – it’s a good feeling, knowing that Tooru trusts him enough to show it.

He rolls onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “You’re not at all. I like listening to you. And besides, it’s funny.”

“Of course my misery is funny to you,” Tooru whines. “It’s like I suffer for your entertainment.”

The cheerful tone from before is back though; Keiji has found out that there’s a really thin line between it all being playful and him taking a comment to heart. It hasn’t always worked out in the beginning, but he’s pretty good at reading the mood by now, at least concerning Tooru.

“Obviously. Having Kyoutani-san in your team is all a big ploy set up by me to stress you out.”

“I knew it! You’re actually an evil mastermind! And they call _me_ a bad person!”

“We can take over the world together.”

“Honestly, the world would thank us for that.” Tooru giggles and Keiji’s heart does _the thing_ , that strange warm fuzzy feeling he gets when he sees him laugh, or when they’re kissing with their hands intertwined, so close. He reaches out instinctively, only to find that he’s still alone, and all he has of him right now is his voice by his ear, filtered through the phone.

“I love you,” he murmurs, because he _needs_ to say it, even if it’s not true because he remembers that he actually _hates_ him for not being here right now.

He’s always been intent on not going into long-distance relationships and every time he forgets why, the universe tends to remind him. But now he has Tooru and things don’t apply as neatly as he thought they would anymore.

_“That’s what love does to you,” his mother said and shrugged when he told her about it. “If it’s the real thing, you might not even recognise your own choices anymore.”_

Another moment of silence, heavier this time, as if it’s filled with unspoken words he somehow still hears. There’s an _I love you too_ in there somewhere, and an _I wish you were here_ , but what eventually gets voiced is, “Damn, you’re totally unfair.”

He has to hold back his laughter to not accidentally wake anyone up at two in the morning, so it comes out in ugly snorts, and somewhere along the way a few sobs as well, and before he knows it he feels tears welling up in his eyes.

“You need to visit soon,” he whispers into the phone.

Yeah. He really hates Oikawa Tooru.


	3. Akaoi - [unnamed]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angst prompts -- I’m trying, can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more prompt fills!! this time from the angst prompts (http://akaashi-tooru.tumblr.com/post/160982023408/angst-prompts). but this isn't particularly angsty. just emotional.
> 
> uh heads-up it deals with mental illness stuff though it's relatively muddy what exactly we're talking about so ya. if I screwed up with it please kick my ass I'm not really experienced writing that sort of thing but ...

The few things he does remember are ridiculously detailed, to the point where he thinks he’s memorised every little imperfection in the wall he was staring at, but could not have named its colour for the life of him.

He remembers the beating of his heart against his chest, too, and the dull ache pounding in his skull in the same rhythm, and he remembers laughing and thinking this beat could make for a nice song, without knowing why it was there in the first place.

It all bled together in a flurry of almost painfully sharp sensations sticking out from an indistinguishable pile of _nothing_ until he registered someone talking to him.

He remembers the distinct sound of his name spoken by that velvet voice.

Then, nothing.

It happens sometimes, his brain is annoyingly good at making him forget the bad stuff, and maybe that’s exactly why it always hits him so hard. It never seems as bad as it was in hindsight.

“You should have called me,” Keiji says after a while, leaning against the wall as they’re sitting on Tooru’s bed, their shoulders touching.

He huffs out a laugh. “Sure, because I was completely capable of doing so.”

He might have been, actually. It wouldn’t have been the first time. But he has no idea where his phone even is, much less does he remember his code, though thankfully Keiji’s got him covered on the latter front.

They’re quiet again for a while, and the silence isn’t as comfortable as usual, but still has some sort of calm to it, something to get wrapped up in and pretend everything is okay.

“What happened?” The words are quiet, almost so quiet that he can act like he didn’t hear them, because he really doesn’t want to answer.

He knows he can’t hide this from Keiji, though.

“We got the test results,” he starts slowly, piecing together how exactly it went down. “The one I blanked on. I thought I still made it somehow, but I didn’t, and …”

What was the rest of it? He’s not certain.

Getting this worked up over a damn failed test is so stupid, though. There has to have been more to it that he simply can’t recall, because he doesn’t fall _that_ easily. It wasn’t even an important test, just something to ensure they’ve got their material down, and the sole purpose of it was to help finding out where your weaknesses are. Heck, failing it was _beneficial_.

He doesn’t dare look at Keiji when he says, “It’s been getting worse, hasn’t it?”

_Hasn’t it?_

“That’s why I’m going to … Itsukata-san.” He despises the word ‘therapy’, it makes him feel like he’s lost somehow, and he hasn’t used it to refer to it even once, despite the fact that Itsukata is literally called the university therapist and has reassured him multiple times it’s a good thing, not something to be ashamed of.

He thinks he needs to be better than that, though. If this was high school, none of this would be an issue at all, because high school was just about perfect and yet all his baggage from junior high and then some decided to slam him directly into the face as soon as he started thinking university would be even better.

Or, well, Tooru likes to blame it on junior high, but it doesn’t have all that much to do with it. Compared to this, having to deal with Ushijima and Tobio constantly haunting his dreams and every waking moment was nothing.

Keiji stands up, leaving the place next to him feel cold and empty, and sighs. “I know. But maybe that’s not enough.”

What else could he do? The choice of words annoys him – _not enough_. He’s been doing his fair share of fighting, and Keiji should know that, he comes to every damn one of his sessions, so why would he be saying that?

“I’m trying, can’t you see? Isn’t that enough for you?”

“I …” He takes a second to properly reply, it’s not long but it feels like an eternity until he turns to him and speaks up again. “What am I supposed to do, sit here and watch you ruin yourself? Trying is all fair and good but won’t do anything if it never leads to any semblance of progress.”

“Not that you’d ever see it,” Tooru shoots back with a bitter smile. “That would require you to pay attention to anyone that isn’t you.”

He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.

Keiji’s lips part but no words come out, instead he takes in a shuddering breath and takes the smallest of steps away from him, as if he just slapped him, and he might as well have.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers too quietly, raises from the bed, reaches out to him, but even when his hand touches Keiji’s arm, it feels like there’s worlds of distance between them. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, I was …”

Being needlessly mean to the one person who understands him, just for the sake of it.

God, he’s a terrible person.

Of course Keiji pays attention. Probably more so than is healthy for him, he can see how much it’s wearing him down to constantly be on alert, even when they’re apart, especially then, because the selfish one here is Tooru for demanding he be there whenever he needs him.

And here he is, driving him away.

_That’s all he ever does lately._

But losing Keiji is different from losing anyone else. _Keiji_ is different from anyone else. Without him … He’s not sure what he’d do.

It’s not even because he loves him and desperately wants him to reciprocate his feelings – and god, he does –, he can do without that just fine as long as he stays here, with him, no matter in which type of relationship.

He won’t do that if Tooru gives him a reason to leave.

“It’s okay,” Keiji says, but doesn’t sound like he truly means it. “I was being too harsh. I know you’re doing your best. It’s just …”

Too much. That’s it, isn’t it? It’s too much, too hard on him, too difficult, and he has every right to feel that way and need time for himself, who is he to deny him that?

But the thought of being alone is frightening.

If Iwaizumi was here, he’d punch him and hold some short speech about how he’s an idiot. It always worked, because he knows Iwaizumi would never try to sugar-coat things or pander to him. But Iwaizumi isn’t here, and Keiji might not be Iwaizumi but he’s the closest thing to him he has here – the only one who knows absolutely everything, and the only one truly willing to kick his ass if need be, if in a different manner.

(When has he become so utterly _dependent_ on them?)

Tooru wants to tell him it’s okay, but can’t bring himself to say it, and the silence hangs over them like a dark cloud of everything that went wrong.

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

His hands falls from Keiji’s arm when the other takes a step towards him and touches his cheek ever so slightly. When their eyes lock, there’s an inherent weakness displayed on his face, concern, worry, for both of them, most likely. “Well, I can’t stand feeling like this but alas, here I am,” Tooru replies, but his tone doesn’t come across as half as sarcastic as he wanted it to.

“I annoy myself,” he mutters and his gaze drops to the floor. “I feel like I need to do more, but I can’t think of anything _to_ do.”

“You’re already doing so much.” Does he really not know? Of course, his being there and telling him everything is going to be alright and all of that won’t cure him, but it’s making it so much easier, sometimes recovery even feels feasible.

He once said he’s used to catering to people to make them feel better, and he said it’s selfish, because in the end all he wants to do is feel better himself. Tooru always thought it doesn’t make any sense, as feeling better when other people do is already selfless enough. He can’t always say the same of himself, at least.

Keiji looks up at him and the faintest smile is playing on his lips. “I hope I am. You deserve it. You deserve everything.”

“Everything?” he teases. “Does that include ice cream? Because I could go for ice cream. A big bowl of it.”

The sigh he receives doesn’t hold the usual weight, and just like that, it feels like things are a bit more okay again.

 

* * *

 

It’s difficult sometimes.

It’s difficult because of moments like these where Keiji catches a glimpse of what could, but likely never will, be, when they’re sitting together on his bed watching Barbie movies on his laptop eating a frankly ridiculous amount of ice cream that’s definitely not healthy.

It’s difficult because when they’re out playing volleyball with the team or visiting the park at night pointing out constellations in the sky, he’s so radiant, and when he falls asleep, his head in Keiji’s lap, he’s so peaceful.

But it’s also what has made him care so much. If that meant he could see that smile and the sparkle in those eyes every day, he’d gladly switch with him.

Sometimes he wonders if Tooru even knows how much he loves him.

It doesn’t really matter, though, he figures, because those feelings won’t disappear regardless of if he does, and there are more important things on their plate right now.

He snapped today, not for the first time, but now, he’s not just here because he regrets it or feels like he has to. If that was the case, he would have left long ago.

It’s difficult sometimes, but they’ll get through it somehow.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! feel the rarepair magic my guys
> 
> hq!! tumblr: akaashi-tooru.tumblr.com/ request some stuff if you wanna!


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